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pegkerrWhen you're a parent, there's a strong cultural assumption that, of course, the parent is the more knowledgeable one, the teacher, the guide.
But honestly, if you're a really good parent (which I've always wanted to be), you have to accept that sometimes your children are the ones to show you the way.
Last Sunday, I went over to Fiona's house to see her and M, and to my delight, Delia was there, too. The four of us went out for a breakfast of delicious pastries and then, after we put M down for a nap, the three of us sat in Fiona's living room and talked. It was a warm and trusting conversation. But I happened to ask a question at one point that opened a discussion that surprised me, and frankly took me aback.
It was as if the girls, in answer to my opening up a topic, took the opportunity to -- carefully, gently, respectfully -- hold up a mirror to me and reflect back something about me that made my heart sink. The sort of thing that makes you suck in a breath and sit through a wave of mortification before you can find your voice and speak again.
And you know what? I was grateful. I was so incredibly grateful. It was something that I needed to know. And I noticed how kind they were being, how carefully, lovingly, and reassuringly they chose their words. At the end of the conversation, I was damned proud of all three of us.
I thought about that for a long time afterward. First of all, I realized that this had been modeled for me in my own family of origin. I have never had any doubt that if I needed to go to either of my parents to bring something to their attention that I thought they needed to hear, they would listen.
And in the family I created with Rob, we did the same.
Of course, going through years of therapy, including family therapy, helped.
Having healthy family relationships can be so very challenging. But I truly do believe the power to have respectful conversations is worth it.
This collage was really quite tricky to make, with at least five layers and I used about six different online tools. It's going out late because I put in a good hour on it this morning and thought that I just wasn't going to be able to pull it off. But I came back to it tonight, thought of a few other tools I could use, and I'm pretty satisfied with it. The conversation, as I said, took place in Fiona's living room, but I didn't take a picture. Instead, I found a recent picture of the girls sitting on the couch in my living room, and edited M out (who was sitting between them) and then started putting in layers to add the mirror and my reflection. I'm proud of it, not just because of the subject, but as a technical achievement.
Image description: Two women sit on a couch in a living room, holding up an ornate mirror between the two of them. In the mirror is the reflection of another woman, looking slightly startled and troubled, with one hand raised as if in surprise.
Respectful Conversations
Click on the links to see the 2026, 2025, 2024, 2023, 2022 and 2021 52 Card Project galleries.
But honestly, if you're a really good parent (which I've always wanted to be), you have to accept that sometimes your children are the ones to show you the way.
Last Sunday, I went over to Fiona's house to see her and M, and to my delight, Delia was there, too. The four of us went out for a breakfast of delicious pastries and then, after we put M down for a nap, the three of us sat in Fiona's living room and talked. It was a warm and trusting conversation. But I happened to ask a question at one point that opened a discussion that surprised me, and frankly took me aback.
It was as if the girls, in answer to my opening up a topic, took the opportunity to -- carefully, gently, respectfully -- hold up a mirror to me and reflect back something about me that made my heart sink. The sort of thing that makes you suck in a breath and sit through a wave of mortification before you can find your voice and speak again.
And you know what? I was grateful. I was so incredibly grateful. It was something that I needed to know. And I noticed how kind they were being, how carefully, lovingly, and reassuringly they chose their words. At the end of the conversation, I was damned proud of all three of us.
I thought about that for a long time afterward. First of all, I realized that this had been modeled for me in my own family of origin. I have never had any doubt that if I needed to go to either of my parents to bring something to their attention that I thought they needed to hear, they would listen.
And in the family I created with Rob, we did the same.
Of course, going through years of therapy, including family therapy, helped.
Having healthy family relationships can be so very challenging. But I truly do believe the power to have respectful conversations is worth it.
This collage was really quite tricky to make, with at least five layers and I used about six different online tools. It's going out late because I put in a good hour on it this morning and thought that I just wasn't going to be able to pull it off. But I came back to it tonight, thought of a few other tools I could use, and I'm pretty satisfied with it. The conversation, as I said, took place in Fiona's living room, but I didn't take a picture. Instead, I found a recent picture of the girls sitting on the couch in my living room, and edited M out (who was sitting between them) and then started putting in layers to add the mirror and my reflection. I'm proud of it, not just because of the subject, but as a technical achievement.
Image description: Two women sit on a couch in a living room, holding up an ornate mirror between the two of them. In the mirror is the reflection of another woman, looking slightly startled and troubled, with one hand raised as if in surprise.
Click on the links to see the 2026, 2025, 2024, 2023, 2022 and 2021 52 Card Project galleries.
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Date: 2026-08-22 01:58 am (UTC)