Mom puts bullying daughter in her place

[pegkerr]

Wow. As a woman who was bullied as a kid and knows how corrosive the experience is, I have to say I seriously admire this woman:

She's taken away the cell phone, she's banned the TV, but when her daughter was suspended for bullying a classmate last week, Ivory Spann felt a new punishment was in order: public humiliation.

After checking to see if it was legal, Spann forced her 12-year-old daughter, Miasha Williams, to spend four days this week in front of several Temecula schools carrying a big sign saying, "I Engaged in Bullying Behavior. I Got Suspended From School ... Don't Be Like Me. Stop Bullying."I felt I needed to do something that would make an impression," Spann said. (Read more)

From what I've read, research seems to indicate that bullying is much less likely if victims, bullies or bystanders feel that it is tolerated. I gotta think this would help. I suppose it might be argued by some that perhaps this would be counterproductive. Is the mother is perhaps "bullying" the daughter by making her do something that would humiliate her? Is this useful in a way that would teach empathy to the daughter? I suppose that it would very much depend upon the child, and the mother is the best judge of that. I also respect the fact that the mother took care to check to make sure that this was legal first.

At the very least, it might spark some useful discussions, if not between this mother and her child, or the child and the victims she was bullying, but between other children (potential victims, bullies and bystanders) and their parents.

Comments

[phoenixsong]

Can I just say AMEN to a Columbine reference that isn't all "OMG evil violent computer games make kids into killers!!1!" without the context of what those kids were going through in the first place? I don't condone what they did, but as someone else who was bullied -- bad enough that my parents took me out of public school after 8 years -- I kind of understand the urge to lash out at the kids who never seemed to be punished enough to just leave me alone.

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

Hmm, discussion spark indeed.

On one hand, I believe the research and the anecdotes suggesting that authorities and bystanders can reduce or stop bullying by responding firmly and consistently every time, by naming the behaviour to the bully and disciplining the bully rather than concentrating on equipping the victim.

But on the other hand, I don't approve at all of public humiliation as a punishment, even in milder forms. To me that's an abuse of power that is on the same spectrum as bullying.

[mizzlaurajean.livejournal.com]

I personally think that's awful. Legal does not make it appropriate. Certainly she deserved some type of punishment and I do not think bullying having been tormented myself should not be tolerated. I kinda feel bad for the bully. It seems to me bully's already do not have the worlds best self esteem.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

Did they have to end the story with a Columbine reference? I suppose there's always room to stoke fear.

B

[naomikritzer]

I read this story and had the immediate thought that this was evidence for the theory that bullies are often created by abusive parents.

I think there are a lot of appropriate ways to respond to a child who is guilty of bullying others, but parading them around with a humiliating sign is not one of them.

I also thought from the article that it was distinctly possible that there were two sides to the original ("she bullied me!") story.

[cakmpls.livejournal.com]

To the extent that this part is accurate--

Miasha said the incident happened May 10 when she and five other girls confronted a fellow student who they said called them a racist name.

No violence occurred, she said, but the girl felt intimidated enough to complain.

--I'd say the wrong student was suspended.

[boldpurpletext.livejournal.com]

As a teacher, it is refreshing to find a parent who actually makes their child own up to their behavior and face some consequences. I see too many kids whose parents make excuses for them, coddle them, and are turning them into smug brats who feel entitled to good grades and bad behavior because Mommy and Daddy never say no.

Public humiliation is a tried and true method of shaming people into proper behavior, and one could argue the "I don't care what anyone else thinks; I'm gonna do what I want" attitude is contributing to social breakdown.

[avengangle.livejournal.com]

In Ohio, if you get caught for too many DUIs, they give you a yellow license plate with rust colored numbers. So I'm certain there's a use for public humiliation. I also like the idea of parents not making excuses for their children.

However, I'm not sure.

[mplsvala.livejournal.com]

I find it odd that people think the punishment was too harsh. The girl herself seems to have reached a good attitude and to have grasped the important points her mom was concerned about. And just because no violence occurred doesn't mean that the suspension wasn't appropriate. Placing people in reasonable fear of bodily harm is a problem even if no injury is sustained. I find the notion that the mom is a big bully and fostering that attitude extremely unlikely.

[primroseburrows.livejournal.com]

I'm a bullying victim survivor myself, and I can't decide whether this is one possible way of dealing with bullies that might actually work, or one more victim made. Apparently the girl learned something, but I don't know if that makes it right or not. Jury's definitely still out for me.

[handworn.livejournal.com]

You're right. This woman rocks, there's no other word for it.

A friend of mine believes quite seriously that we ought to bring back the stocks, or at very least ought to bring back its purpose: public humiliation as a common punishment.

It would also be hard to argue that it's cruel and unusual, too, since it was common in colonial days when the Constitution was written.

[kk1raven.livejournal.com]

I think you'd have to know something about the girl's personality and past behavior to know whether this punishment was a good choice or bullying by the mother.I can picture it going either way. One incidence of public humiliation could really teach the girl a lesson. If taking away privilages wasn't heling,the mother needed to try something different. A pattern of being humiliated could really mess her up though, especially if she is sensitive in the wrong way.