May. 5th, 2008

pegkerr: (Default)
Yesterday was our most important community ritual of the year, put on by In The Heart of the Beast Puppet and Mask Theatre: the May Day Parade, with the Tree of Life ceremony at Powderhorn Park afterwards. The weather was gorgeous, so the crowd was huge. (And after the cold, rainy and miserable spring we've had, a sunny day with the temperature at about 65 degrees with little wind felt like not just like 'a nice day' but an expected gift from the gods). I didn't take pictures this year, but simply concentrated on enjoying the parade. The girls have been too busy this year (what with karate, Girl Scouts and National History Day) to participate in the workshops where people make their costumes and floats, so they didn't march in the parade. We were at the corner of 34th Street and Bloomington Avenue, where the parade turns to go into Powderhorn Park.

Afterwards, we gathered with a group of friends on the southeast side of the lake for a picnic. The drum jam set up right next to us, perhaps inevitably, but they were a small group at first, and so it didn't make conversation impossible. Fiona went to watch the Tree of Life ceremony at the end of the lake, but Delia and I decided to stay with the rest of the picnic group and lounged and ate the potluck offerings. The Tree of Life ceremony was late getting started, but we kept an eye on it from afar. When the horns started sounding, signaling it was time for the Sun to row across the lake to bring the Tree of Life awake, I sat up and started watching more closely.

The progress of the rowers was slow (the wind is inevitably against the rowers each year, and the Sun acts as a giant sail, always slowing them down). As the floatilla kept doggedly battling their way across toward the opposite shore, I felt a lump start up in my throat, and I drifted over to the edge of the lake to lean against a tree.

Oh, how often in this past very hard winter have I longed for the return of the sun! I thought of the struggles with the layoff, when fears and doubts seemed so ascendent. I thought of all the dark days, when the depression seemed so crushing, how I kept playing The Mountain Goats' song "This Year" ("I am going to make it through this year if it kills me.") I thought of how hard I had tried to see the Holy Tree inside of myself, and the inspiration of the Tree Project, of all the trees in pictures and gifts that had been sent to me by all of you, to give me hope.

Now tears were running down my face in earnest. The horns continued to sound, a wild clarion call ringing above the roars and cheers and clapping of the assembled crowd. Finally, FINALLY, the sun landed on shore, the sunrunners dressed in colors of flame, their banners streaming out behind them, tore down the hill to greet and honor it, and the Tree of Life rose and towered above the crowd, spreading Her arms wide to greet the spring, to greet the day, to bestow on us all Her blessing. To my surprise, then the Tree turned away from the crowd on blanket hill and spread Her arms toward the lake, toward me, as if to say, yes, I see you. Yes, I am here, and I cried even harder out of sheer happiness. I don't remember the Tree ever turning that way before.

After a few minutes, I managed to pull myself together. I drifted back over to the picnic blankets, pulled out a napkin, and wiped my face dry. Nobody noticed or commented. The drummers drummed on and on, pulsing out the heartbeat of a people, a community. Winter is over, and now it's time to dance.

I pulled a piece of papaya from a tupperware container and ate it. It was delicious. [livejournal.com profile] minnehaha B. handed me a lamb sausage hot off the grill, so big and juicy that it was almost too much for the bun it rested in to handle. Fiona came back from the Tree of Life ceremony, flopped down on the blanket, and reached for some chips. Delia wandered off and borrowed a hulahoop and showed off what she can do with those marvelous abs she's developed from karate.

The sun poured down like honey on us as we sat there together, friends and family, listening to the drums, talking together and celebrating the spring.

Read a parade report from [livejournal.com profile] naomikritzer here and another from [livejournal.com profile] janradder, with pictures, here. More pictures here by [livejournal.com profile] neugotik. Picnic reports from [livejournal.com profile] dreamshark here and [livejournal.com profile] skylarker here. Here's a picture from the parade from [livejournal.com profile] barondave; I hope he will post more pictures soon. If you have links to other parade reports or pictures, please leave them in the comments.

Here are pictures of the Tree and Sun from a previous year )
pegkerr: (Default)
Found this on YouTube; it's a video taken of the Tree of Life Ceremony from two years ago (the year Fiona was a sunrunner). It'll give you a good taste of what the ceremony is like.


I suck

May. 5th, 2008 05:45 pm
pegkerr: (Don't let it rankle!)
This was the second day of resuming my bike commute, and the first I rode all the way home instead of taking the light rail part way. I put my bike into the garage, crawled into the house, and almost burst into tears.

I suck at this. My god, it's only five frickin' miles; how can I be so exhausted? Could I be starting to feel effects of the tree pollen that made me so dreadfully sick last year? I thought my exhaustion might be because my tires were low; however I filled them up last Thursday, the last time I rode.

On top of everything, I managed to break my bike odometer when I dropped the detachable part on the bathroom floor when I was kitting up into my biking gear to ride home. It's probably under warranty still, but I dunno if I can find the receipt.

"I hate this," I moaned to Rob and the girls and they put their arms around me and made soothing noises. "I feel old and fat and useless and out of shape."

Rob laughed out loud at that. "You are none of those things."

"Well, maybe not," I groused. "But I absolutely feel that way." Then I looked at the girls and felt a searing wave of guilt. What was all my moaning about my weight teaching them about distorted body image? Rob was right. It wasn't true, and I felt absolutely ashamed of myself for even saying such a thing. I would never ever say such a cruel thing about another person; it wasn't right to say it about myself.

Great. Wonderful role model you are, Peg . Now I'm a screw up as a mother on top of everything.

I reflected, as I tottered upstairs, that as far as I know, I don't think my mother ever rode a bike home from work a day in her life.

I'm probably loading the bike too much, but what else can I do when I have to pack my work clothes, repair kit, shoes, purse and lunch? My purse alone weighs probably seven pounds. I know, I know, I know. Shut up. I have to carry it all. If you lived my life for twenty-four hours, you'd understand why.

On top of everything, I have sparring tonight. Me and a bunch of testosterone-fueled twenty-year old guys. Great. Another opportunity to feel old, out of shape, and physically inadequate.

Edited to add: Yeah, probably not all in my head. The pollen count is super high in Minneapolis right now.
pegkerr: (Karate Peg 2008)
My stamina sucked at sparring, too, even worse than usual. It probably isn't all in my head, though: sensei said that he's been having a terrible time breathing lately, and he's sure it's the tree pollen.

On the plus side, I had some really good bouts with people who were kind enough to take the time to teach me rather than whaling on me, and I did score some points. Yes, I am starting to think as I spar, although I still have the problems with tensing up and hyperventilating. And I never think of the hook kick (what hook kick?) and don't follow up enough with a punch after the back fist. Still, I was doing a pretty good job of analyzing the people I was fighting and seeing openings. Definitely progress.

Also on the plus side, I was extremely pleased to realize that I'm definitely kicking above waist level now. Haven't kicked anyone in the head yet, particularly these tall teenage beanpoles I've been fighting, but I did land some kicks as high as my opponents' shoulders.

We interspersed fights with doing intervals of different styles of pushups, so I could contemplate how much my upper body strength sucks, too. I bagged class after half an hour, but I had certainly sweat enough to prove I had worked really hard.

I logged 80 minutes of exercise today (bike riding, Stone Arch Bridge walk and sparring), and according to SparkPeople, burned 556 calories. My pedometer is a little over 11,500 steps.

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