Peg Kerr's Journal

I had all sorts of good intentions about this weekend, mostly involving cleaning up the yard and the house. But the heat and humidity has sapped away all of my forward momentum, and I don't think I'm going to do any of it. I've really had difficulty the past couple days. We don't have central air, and Rob hasn't put the window air conditioner into our bedroom window yet. I'm having difficulty breathing, and I get dizzy standing up. I had real trouble standing up for the hymns in church today. There is a pollution/ozone warning in Minneapolis right now, so maybe that's it. It's truly inhuman in Fiona's room (my old office), the hottest room in the house. Rob and I have decided to get her a window air conditioner. Fiona's been having trouble sleeping, and her appetite has all but disappeared. Which is not good, as her appetite is small anyway.

I've had some wonderful talks with Fiona over the past couple of days. We went to a coffee shop to escape the heat for a couple house and talked, and then came home and talked some more. She really has grown up enormously in the past year and discovered a lot of things about herself. We've talked about all sorts of things: money, her plan of study at school, her hopes to take a semester abroad, ideas for majors, fanfiction, alcohol use among her peers, writing and anxiety, her friendships, our family dynamics, politics, personal ethics, self discovery, her memories of growing up, and our family traditions she wants to carry on to her own family some day, and more. I'm so very proud of her. She's quite worried about the future (starting with the immediate future, as in, OMG, will I find a job this summer??) I'm trying to be as sympathetic as I can without increasing her stress by pressuring her; that would be absolutely unhelpful. But she's suffering a lot of anxiety about student debt, and I can't blame her. God, it would terrify me, too. I wish I could do more to help; I wish we had saved more for college. But we really couldn't do any more than we did. I still feel damn guilty, though. I've been sending her links to some of the Occupy Student movement, which is doing a lot of political work on student debt. I've been checking in with her regarding how she's handling the transition home. She says that we've drawn a good balance on treating her more like an adult (some of her friends are actually jealous, as they've had rougher transitions going home for the summer); I've said she's made it easy because she really is a good kid about checking in, keeping up apprised of her plans. She's been suffering friend withdrawal.

Delia is doing pretty well at the moment. School's out for the summer, and she has a week before she starts her summer job. She went out garage saling with the new boyfriend of the moment yesterday, and then spent some time at the local lake beach. She had a new friend sleep over last night that she met at this local teenage program she's just got involved with, Treehouse. They cut and dyed her hair last night. The cut is a sort of artsy angled cut (a little ragged since her friend did it, but she's pleased with it). She chose not a wild color, as I would have assumed she would, but a sort of chestnut brown, quite like my hair color actually. I approve. I figure that Delia's essential inner restlessness will drive her to experiment with a lot of different identities, and as an experiment, hair dye is a pretty mild one! (There was one unfortunate incident: a streak of dye that landed on some wood paneling in the bathroom which they didn't spot it and clean it up quickly before it set. Oh well. It's been our house for twenty years, and of course there is going to be occasional collateral damage.)

because I like this picture of me.

Yes. I can be vain at times.

I actually think this is the first time I've applied the tag 'omg she's beautiful' to me. Usually it's applied to the girls.

Maybe I'll switch it back in the next twenty-four hours or so...we'll see.

Photographer credit: my sister Betsy.

Fiona graduated last Friday, and we had our open house on Sunday.

Here is the beautiful dress that Delia sewed for Fiona to wear under her graduation robes:





( The sisters together )

The graduate and her family (Delia, me and my parents)!

Fiona's high school graduation June 3, 2011

( With the Boy )

( At the party, we had a taco bar )

( We also had a chocolate fountain )

( We gathered in the backyard )

( Here's a great picture of relatives from Rob's side of the family )

( After the party, she was all tuckered out )

I almost wept, she was so gorgeous. And Mitch was just as handsome. Pictures credit: Dave Miland.

(In an endearingly teenage compliment, Mitch called her "hardcore pretty.")







( More hardcore prettiness )



I don't honestly think I've ever seen her looking more beautiful. THANK YOU especially to Mitch's dads, Randy and Dave, who so kindly made it possible for her to go. It was Randy who found her that gorgeous dress (on eBay). And thanks to Dave for the beautiful pictures. We will certainly treasure them.

We're here at Minicon. The girls have been staying at the hotel with some friends. I watched them cavorting in the hotel pool this afternoon and reflected ruefully on an incident in the dealer's room this afternoon, when I asked to try on a leather corset. I ended up feeling unhappy over the way I looked (the corset didn't fit over my hips because of some extra weight I'm carrying around my waist.

Because of some extremely stressful circumstances this winter, I've been eating for comfort and I've missed a number of karate classes. My figure, statistically, is thinner than the average fifty year old American woman of my height, but still, I'm not happy right now with how I look--particularly when I look at my gorgeous teenage daughters. I know, I know. That way lies madness, and really, how many fifty year old women can throw a round kick to the head? Still. I want to be more than "above average." Tonight, I'd like to be able to turn heads in a leather corset, too. It's bugging me.

(Also bugging me: I can't afford to buy the flipping thing anyway.)

Fiona's dress for the homecoming dance this Saturday: $15, and another $4 for a camisole from which I cannibalized a lace panel from the front to pin into the dress to give her a little more cleavage coverage. Both from Savers, a thrift store. We're going out to shop for shoes tonight. I will try to get pictures up later.

Fiona has passed her black belt test, second degree! She now will wear a red uniform with yellow piping.

July 31, 2010 Black belt test for Fiona - Second degree

( Kicking section ) (Fiona is the taller of the two girls in this line, farther from the camera)

( Form )

( Self Defense )

( Jump Scissor Kicks )

( Paper Kicks )

( Pad kicks )

( Sparring )



( More pictures afterwards )

is simply amazing....








Maybe I could post a picture of her in it later. But I'm sorta afraid it might break the camera...