Choices

[pegkerr]

Elinor Dashwood is not doing very well tonight.

I am struggling quite painfully with an exceedingly difficult decision. The problem is, if I do what I increasingly want to do, what I feel I must do if I am not going to go mad, I know that there are going to be many, many people who are going to be quite angry and disappointed with me. Including, I am afraid, some of you. I will be letting them--letting you--down.

I hate letting people down.

This is probably all that Elinor Dashwood can say on the subject for the time being.

I feel that I'm not doing an adequate job at just about anything in my life right now.

Comments

[pameladean]

It doesn't seem appropriate to hug Elinor Dashwood. Perhaps a kindly pressure of the hand and an immediate withdrawal into neutral topics would be permissible.

I'm looking forward to being on a panel with you.

Pamela

[laurel]

Take care of yourself, do what you need to do for you. The rest of the world will either understand or perhaps they aren't worth worrying about. Also: if you don't take care of yourself, down the road you may end up hurting yourself and/or having to disappoint more people.

At least in the past when I've worried too much about letting other people down, I've ended up not-at-my-best and then usually ended up letting more people down in the long run than I think I would've if I'd just not worried so much in the first place (and given myself priority).

Not knowing the situation, my advice might not be just right, but I imagine it's probably sound for a lot of situations. You know best.

Ah, Peg, I feel for you.

[amandageist.livejournal.com]

Providing others with a you that is happy and true would seem to me to be better than making yourself unhappy to fulfill others' expectations. If the others are worth the worry--they wouldn't want you to be false to yourself.

It is strange, how hard it can be, to be centered and true to yourself without feeling guilty about it. Women, especially, are taught to live for others, sacrifice, measure worth of self by love of others. All well and good, all laudable--until it erodes the *you* within and becomes resentment. And no true art, love, or creation flows from resentment.

Do what you need, to be true to you. Those who love you, will honor you for it; those who honor you, will be inspired. You will not let people down; you will set an example.

Sorry to hold forth. Maybe I made sense.

~Amanda, occasional commenter here

[aome.livejournal.com]

I could be mistaken, but I have an inkling of what you are considering doing and while (*if* I am correct) - wah - you also have to do what is right for you. I took 20 people off my friends list today because I just can't keep up with everyone. I should have taken off more. I *wanted* to add people. I probably should give up other things in order to better reclaim my life, but for now, those 20 people are all I am willing to sacrifice. It was hard enough to do that. So - I think a great many people will understand, even if they are disappointed, by whatever decisions you have to make; we all struggle with them every day.

[prunesnprisms.livejournal.com]

I struggle with the issue every day of how to make additional hours appear. In the end either things get left extremely undone, or I get left extremely undone. Both are un-recommendable situations.

you have my sympathy and empathy and support for whatever decision you make.

[dragonpaws.livejournal.com]

Fortunately, unlike the actual Elinor Dashwood, you are not the only rational person you know- I'm sure people will understand. Do what you must do for you.

[rabican.livejournal.com]

Yes, exactly. It's important to put yourself first, and possible to do so without being selfish.

[snippy]

Be gentle with yourself.

[debellatrix.livejournal.com]

Worse to let yourself down.

[cakmpls.livejournal.com]

Other people know of you only what is filtered through their own perceptions. If they are angry or disappointed with you because of your decision, it is a "you" who never existed with whom they are angry or in whom they are disappointed. The real you, the true you, will take the path that you must.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

Hear hear.

B

[sleigh.livejournal.com]

I'll second that!

[corinnethewise.livejournal.com]

Don't worry about maybe letting other people down. You need to take care of yourself too. Don't neglect yourself just to make other people happy. That way lies madness.

[misia.livejournal.com]

Peg, give yourself the freedom to play freely in the universe, whatever form(s) that may take, and knowing that they may change. Life's too short for anything else.

[porphyrin.livejournal.com]

Has anyone told you recently that you are an amazing woman?

Do what you want and need to do. Keep yourself together, body and soul.

Don't worry about disappointing; take time to breathe & play & work & mommy, and remember that we all think you are -really- special.

Sad to be missing your panel at Minicon.

[vass]

*offers Elinor Dashwood a cup of tea*

Please, do what you must do and don't worry about letting other people down by it.

I feel that I'm not doing an adequate job at just about anything in my life right now.

I think you're doing a fine job. As it happens, I think quite a few of those reading your post could make a tentative guess at what your hard decision is about, and I'm sure we wish you well whatever you decide. Only you can know what choice is the right one, and it need not - often will not - be what looks best from the outside. I can't say anything more except ask you to please, please, don't give up on yourself as a *person*. You have lots of strengths, in lots of areas, and you spend so much time nurturing them all in their turn. One of them is the ability to be happy.

[angeyja.livejournal.com]

No advice; but; much sympathy for your situation. Our circumstances are much different I know; but I am deeply sympathetic to the feeling. The very best wishes.