Peg Kerr's Journal

Reading the newspaper over breakfast is just awful. S&P is the lowest it's been since April 1997. Minnesota gained . . . 107 jobs last month. In the entire state. And lost thousands. One bright spot: federal unemployment benefits are getting extended again. That's a big sigh of relief for my family.

Then there's the wrangling over the photo finish of the Minnesota Senatorial race. Both candidates are acting like asses. "I read this stuff," I grumbled to Rob, "and I just want to say 'A pox on both your houses.'" I glanced at Fiona. "Quick, what's that from?"

"It's Mercutio's line from Romeo and Juliet," she said immediately, "Except it's a plague on both your houses."

I beamed at her. "Very good. See? Education is good for something."

What with the 100 pushup challenge, I've been thinking about the goals I have in my life, and the progress I'm making toward them. I'm a Myers-Briggs ENFJ, and the "J" means that I'm into goals, schedules, structures (unlike my husband, who in contrast is a "P" go-with-the-flow sort of guy. A frequent source of, shall we say, not seeing eye-to-eye on things in our marriage).

I like setting goals for myself. I respond well to them, for the most part. Sometimes, however, I get frustrated with myself because I am not making the progress I would like. Sometimes that is due to the goal I have in mind isn't very realistic; sometimes I sabotage myself--mildly. Sometimes real life gets in the way (i.e., Rob's job loss has been a set back in a number of different areas).

( Money Goals )

( Fitness Goals )

( Other goals )

What are some of your goals?

Thanks to a lead from stinaleigh, Rob has a phone interview with Office Max tomorrow.

OMG, he passed the first cut. He has an in-person interview tomorrow at 9:00 a.m.

Rob?? What time does our plane leave??? For Pete's sake, get the home phone line back up and call me. It's down again.

So far, I'm holding up pretty well, mentally. Rob is getting two weeks of severance, and we got the very good news that Rob will have about sixteen weeks of unemployment, which is much better than I feared. It's pretty equivalent to what he got last time. Then, we have savings to keep us going a few months beyond that.

I'm recognizing some patterns of thought, as I contemplate facing unemployment again. How I experience my life is greatly affected about how I think about it, so I'm paying careful attention to my thought processes right now. I recognize some thoughts that are downright irrational, if perhaps understandable. Magical thinking, as it were.

1. We've been through this already. It's not fair that we have to do it again. He had a job! All the struggle was supposed to be over!

Answer: Life is not fair. Get used to it.

2. We've been through this before, and we got through it okay last time. He'll get a job in time this time, too.

Answer: Alas, no. It doesn't work that way. The economy is probably worse than it was when he was looking last autumn, and it may very well be much more difficult to find a job this time. There is no guarantee that he will find anything in time before real financial disaster sets in.

3. All will be well if I simply keep a Positive Mental Attitude..

Answer: This I recognize. I have long had a tendency toward depression, and yet I was raised in a family which valued positivity above all else. Being pessimistic was considered a character flaw, almost a spiritual failing. Everything is better when people keep a Positive Mental Attitude. Prayers are more likely to be answered by God. All goes smoothly. Life is more likely to turn out the way that you want.

There is, perhaps, one grain of truth in this: jobhunters who keep hitting the streets, who keep applying for jobs, do better than jobhunters who give up and retreat into apathy. All very true: except that I am not the jobhunter in this case. It will no doubt be less hard on Rob if I can keep my anxieties in check. But just because I manage to keep a cheery mental attitude, this actually has very little magical effect on whether or not a putative employer will offer him a job.

4. If he applies for a job that's just perfect for him, he'll get it just because we need it so badly. Worse than anyone else.

Answer: I actually went through this last time. Rob applied for a position with West Publishing (legal publishers). He would have been perfect for that position. His resume was ideal. And we needed him to get that job so badly. When they didn't even give him an interview, it was so hard. But just because you need a job and are perfect for it, that doesn't mean that you get it. See #1 above. Other people might need the job even worse, you little narcissist. That doesn't mean that they're more likely to get it either.

5. [Conversely] Wanting something so desperately jinxes it. The more you want a job, the less you're likely you are to get it

Answer: Nope. There is no effect. The universe doesn't give a damn what you want, Peg.

What I know from going through this last time is that my security needs are much, much higher than Rob's. He is willing to tolerate uncertainty much more easily than me. I simply can't stand it. But Rob has his own mental quirks, and he hates job hunting worse than poison. I discovered the last time around that the more I pressure him to relieve my anxieties, frankly, the less responsive he will be. The harder I push him to find a job, the less time and effort he will put into looking, as if to prove that he won't be hounded into anything. He responds to my anxiety by shutting down--sleeping more and more, doing less around the house, and certainly doing less job hunting. And that makes me absolutely crazy. This means the more frightening our situation becomes, the more hysterical I get and conversely, the less he will do. Neither approach is helpful. Which leads me to the next bit of magical thinking:

6. The more you want him to get a job, the less you should say about it. Pushing him will only jinx everything.

Answer: Perversely true.

I will try to react to our present situation by telling him that he must hit the ground running, acting aggressively to find openings and apply for them, and I will do my best to be supportive without pushing too hard. This, I know, will be difficult, and it will become extremely challenging if months have gone by and he hasn't gotten any interviews and we're getting close to running out of money.

Rob just called. He has lost his job at Ultimate Electronics.

His boss had tears in his eyes when he told Rob the news. It's nobody's fault. It's just the economy. People aren't stopping at the store and buying big screen TVs. He has to start the job hunt all over again.

More to come later, but for now I'm just in shock. Rob's boss said they'd approve unemployment, but we don't know how long the benefit will last since he wasn't at work there for very long, just six months. We do have some savings.

I know the drill, and we'll start taking all the steps we took to contract the budget last time around. Thank heavens we had not yet cancelled the unemployment insurance benefit on two of the credit cards.

But you know what absolutely kills me? We just put braces on Fiona's teeth. The first payment is due July 1. We wouldn't have gone ahead if we'd known this was going to happen.

I want someone to take me out drinking soon. Hey, another martini night, anyone?

I desperately hope I don't jinx things by saying this . . .

Rob met with the district manager for two and a half hours today. In typical lawyerly hedging Minnesota understatement, he says, "I don't think I talked myself out of the job." By the end of the interview, he told the interviewer that he liked what he heard and yes, he wanted the job. He also told them both that I supported him taking it. And in return, apparently the district manager liked what he heard, too, because he told Rob's old boss that he had the go-ahead to hire Rob if he wants to. And because Andy called Rob in the first place, we hope this means that Rob has a new job. We are simply waiting for the formal offer, which (I hope I hope I hope) will come in the next few days. Right before Christmas. The fact that Andy promised to email Rob information about benefits also seems a very promising sign.

If/when that formal offer comes in, I will scream for joy and thank you all for your support during these last difficult months. But until then, I must simply keep on with my everyday life as best as I can with all my fingers and toes crossed and hope for the best.

Any prayers and good wishes you care to offer up until then are, of course, very welcome.

Thanks for all the encouragement and practical suggestions, everyone. I really appreciate having my LJ friends looking out for me and my family. (And really, haven't you enjoyed taking advantage of the opportunity when I am genuinely ASKING for advice?)

I've gotten a lot of comments and e-mails, so if I don't reply right away, please be patient with me. We are absorbing a lot of information as we learn about the resources available to us and start making our plans for how to meet this challenge.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to send Fiona descriptions of all your various jobs. We received dozens of replies, from a wonderful range of people. Some jobs I'd never heard of before! We really appreciate your kindness in taking a few minutes from your busy days (and some of you are REALLY busy) to give us a window into your lives. This project was successful beyond our wildest dreams, and so much fun! I plan to send a copy of the replies to Fiona's teacher, with the suggestion that she might like to share them with other children in her classroom.

Cheers,
Peg